I'm not entirely sure how many followers subscribe to these posts, and/ or how many people actually read these things (I only see numbers and some comments), but I'm sure by now (if you are doing either) you have recognized that I have been publishing one blog post per day as of late. Although I have not participated in a blogathon, I sort of wanted to challenge myself to see if I could actually post one blog a day as if I were in one. So far so good, there are plenty of subjects that strike my fancy to write about in the very peculiar way that I do. Most definitely at one point I'm going to have writers block... But that's what beer or wine was invented for! The muse of the gods!!!
Anyways, I digress, I'm excited about it, and am really trying everything I can in very creative ways to post like a good blogger. On one hand it's cathartic, and it's really great to be able to depend on at least one thing to be consistent in my life right now... in addition to getting all these thoughts out of my head. On the other hand, it's hard to believe it's resonating with people. Ah well, I'll continue to convince myself that brilliance lies within insanity, and that's my excuse for not having too many people "get" me. I'm insane! That's alright with me... as long as you all are willing to say "Hi" along the journey, and hopefully keep reading and following... That makes Abbie very happy. :)
Until next time, I bid you adieu. Hold your breath until the next post... ;)
Piss and Vinegar
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| Snoopy after a zombie has eaten his brains and he's gotten grumpy. |
Piss and vinegar is something I refer to myself being filled to the brim with sometimes. Side note: maybe that's why my first child has acid reflux? Coincidence?, I think not. Not every day do I act this way, but this feeling of everything just sucks (you know, having "one of those days") creeps up from time to time. Although, in my own defense, several members of my household can be quite full of it themselves - and more often than I. For me though, there is really no excuse... I just take it to a whole new level when I don't really need to. I'll be the first to admit that I came out of the womb bitter, with a shiv and swearing. Which, actually(?) may in fact be quite correct. I've always had a mistrusting chip on my shoulder. I find a way to complain about EVERYTHING. People used to ask why I was so angry (based on my expression of haggard grumpiness), when I was perfectly happy. I'm bitterly sarcastic, even when sarcasm isn't called for. Yup, on the outside a normal looking person, on the inside - a bemoaned, curmudgeonly old hag who despises anyone who smiles. I'm just a few years away from an abandoned crooked house filled with cats, and a "The Witch is IN" sign on my doorway. Well... maybe not SO much. As I have gotten older, my distrusting chilly disposition has melted a wee bit. Now instead of piss and vinegar, I'm more like mildly dirty bath water sprinkled with shots of lemon juice. Kind of soothing and refreshing but that quickly diverts to random episodes of sharp stinging jolts chocked full of awful bitterness. Mmmm... I'm sounding sooooo pleasant... it's really surprising that people aren't knocking down my door to be friends. **Chuckle**
If you aren't familiar with this, some examples (not all of these are me, but you get the idea) of being filled with piss and vinegar are:
Waking up on the wrong side of the bed, every day.
Everything is wrong starting from the moment you open your eyes.
Your lucky charms just sucks today, and you'd rather starve.
You can't stand the way your clothes look/ fit/ smell.
Your toothpaste is burning your mouth.
Everyone sucks, even the nice neighbor smiling at you.
As you walk to the bus, you spill coffee down the one friggin' shirt that you can't wash or dry clean.
You suggest to your coworker that they have chronic halitosis.
You stubbed your toe and cracked your nail in half, now blood is filling up in your shoe... you shout "AWESOME!" angrily at the Starbucks employee.
Your new suede jacket got splashed with dirty city sidewalk puddle water, and you want to rip it off and scream at it.
You piss someone off, and then demand they stop treating you like crap.
You're home from work and there is nothing in the fridge you like... so you cry.
At least you have peanut butter.
WTF, you're out of PEANUT BUTTER?!?!? WHAT ELSE???? LOCUSTS?
And the list goes on and on...
You can plainly see how one bad attitude can escalate into a web of self spinning hatred and disgust towards everyone and everything. Swearing is a temporary fix towards your plight, but honestly it just adds to the downward spiral of negativity (although it's great to see people jerk back shocked that *little old you* sounds like a dirty sailor). Most often a smack in the face of ice cold water (or a hand, or a frozen fish), some incense, a LARGE glass of something with a proof percentage to it, and a shower helps lessen the tension. Until the next day when you're filled with it again for no damn reason by 9 am. Maybe someone should just chuck medication into my mouth as I walk out the door. At least if I choked on it, I'd have a legitimate reason to be grumpy. On the upside, you don't waste money on bug spray... one bite and they drop dead from the acidity in you.
Catching the ITIS
The addition of "itis" (pronounced: EYE-tiss) can be applied to just about any word for added emphasis, and is really effective when used to describe someone's negative behavior. Especially in cases where this behavior is unwarranted, unsolicited, and as if it's coming randomly out of nowhere - all wrapped up in a pretty little package of enraged hatred just for you.
For today's post, my specific inspiration was a person who caught douche-itis. You see, this person (who will remain nameless in order to protect them from their own ridiculous actions) came back from hanging out with another individual who has a chronic case of douche-itis. Unfortunately, the infected person rubbed off on the healthy person and they returned to me with a mild case of douche-itis. They left my presence four hours earlier happy, filled with hope, a pleasant demeanor and extremely healthy. When they returned from the objectionable infected friend, there was an unmistakable chip on their shoulder, a chill in their tone of voice, detached ambivalence towards my emotional sharing and an abnormally heightened level of "I hate the world." dripping from every orafice and pore. It was downright disgusting and absolutely offensive.
When I confronted this individual regarding the newfound illness they most definitely caught, I was met with low grumbling - which quickly escalated to frustration and then in minutes it was furious anger. The cous de grace was when I was being verbally reprimanded (as they were helping me change some bed linens) for not having alternated the sheets for the bedding to the other set, as opposed to what I did (which was just stripping the current linens, washing them and replacing them back onto the bed). The HORROR. GASP! I have defaced the holiest of holy's. Holy sacrilege batman! There is no sin considered higher in evilness level as the one which is committed by the unrepentant linen changer. That's straight to hell - with absolutely no get out of molten lava free cards. I may actually burst into flames at the first sight of a holy figure or a cross.
The next day symptoms had improved somewhat. Apparently, without having caught the chronic case of it, the milder version only lasts 24 hours. So, let this serve as a warning to you all. Stock up on your tocopherols, antioxidants, oregano oil, voodoo dolls, sea salt, dragons blood and any other bewitched or homeopathic items to maintain your health and not be weakened by a case of douche-itis. If you do catch it, the recipe for a quick recovery is to just drown in liquor, let anything fly out of your mouth without thought or concern for your audience (keeping it held inside only doubles the symptoms) and insult whoever is nearest to you as much as possible within a few hours until you pass out from the stress of it all. Screaming at people helps a lot too. By morning (having been separated by a significant distance from any other human beings overnight) things should be right as rain. Although you might have some foggy recollection of the events and how they unfolded from the last 24 hours.
Douche-itis is just bad juju, man.
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