I'm perplexed

If it's an earthworm, why do you always find it on the cement sidewalk?

With things like Twitter and Instagram, is email the new "snail mail"... And regular post mail a new way to *break it down* "old school"?

Is the antithesis of the Trojan virus the fertility virus?

What is the purpose of Turkeys flying?

The early bird does NOT get the worm.  He gets the leftover Cheetos... I've seen it with my own eyes.

Where (and what) in the world is Joaquin Phoenix?

Why will I never tire of watching "Big Trouble in Little China"?

Why must I ask my children one hundred and fifty bajillion times to pick up their toys, but only once if they want ice cream?

WTH? Why do we even have toes?

Who is this person , "Smithsonian"? Whoever they are, they have a TREMENDOUS Art collection.  If he gets evicted, i bet that he's screwed because Storage containers have a strict "no dinosaur skeletal remains" policy.

If Twitter, email, Instagram, and  voice mail alert you of new messages - why do I still check them all obsessively every few minutes/ seconds?

I can't answer any of these, and now I'm just pooped.  Sleep deprived EEG's stink all the way up to my sherona.  What horrible irony this life is... The one night I WANT to go to sleep, and I MUST stay up for this dang test.

Sorry if the words are jumbled and look like a four year old typed them.  My brain is literally shutting down and I just want to crash into the floor... And sleep in my drool.

Zzzzzzzzzzz

Things that totally suck.

Vampires
Going to the dentist, for anything.
Fibromyalgia in your butt.
Breaking a toe.
Spider bites that eat your flesh.
Being bitten by a great white shark.
Stepping in a great dane's poop.
Vacuums
Getting multiple vials of blood drawn.
Narcissistic jerks who use you as a scape goat.
Bottom dwellers.
Squatters, and human leaches.
When you're washing machine stops working mid cycle.
Having to vomit and poop at the same time.
Going number 2 at the airport.
Being near the bathroom when someone went number 2 on a plane.
Kids screaming at a decibel that breaks glass, constantly.
Changing poopy diapers.
Trees that dump their crap all over my deck.
Palmetto bugs, and basically all flying insects in general.
Walking into spider webs.
Sorting through mail that's soaking wet.
Blisters from new shoes.
Cleaning up piss, poop, vomit, and sharts from not so obvious places.
Selling a home, and cleaning endlessly, everyday, for no one.
Unclogging toilets, and getting poop on your hand.
Getting your car washed then the next day it's covered in natures pee (pollen).
Smelly hockey gear. 
Smelly shoes.
Migraines on cloudless 70 degree days.
Repeatedly having your cell phone drop calls inside your house.
Straws that fall inside the container.
When the barista fills your drink too high that putting a straw in it causes an overflow onto your clothes, while you're driving.
Neighbors who's dogs bark, loudly, outside, until 2 am, every night.
Knocking down wasp nests.
Natty Bo beer.

Acting infantile is a good thing

 Sometimes acting like a child is actually a good thing.

Yesterday I regressed about twenty years and rocked out with the sprinkler in my front yard.  For the first time in a very long time "the sprinkler" didn't involve a raised arm in a bent position, with elbow jutting out and my other arm pointing like a crossing guard, body jerking forward as if I'm having a seizure and flapping both arms towards each other.  You know, the sprinkler dance?  That's the only sprinkler that I have been privy to until recently.

Yesterday I made an executive decision.  I'm entirely too responsible.  Its gone on long enough, and it's downright ridiculous.  I packed up a lunch, some watermelon and ran through a sprinkler.  I let watermelon run down my face, and squealed with delight after each spray that unexpectedly hit my earlobe.  It was FANTASTIC.  Bonus: I got a tan too.  :)  I'm going to start calling this regression hydrotherapy.  It kind of sounds professional and more adult than "acting infantile".