My apologies to anyone who finds this offensive, but FLOCK YOU concert goers who "SHHHHHH!" other attendees.
Who died and made you king of the concert hall monitor league? Just because I'm talking to my friends (by the way it was at a reasonable *concert volume*) at the same concert you are attending doesn't give you the right to angrily "SHHHHHH" us. You might have a stronger argument if we were at a closed acoustic viewing of a band like (oh I don't know) U2... but at a huge outdoor amphitheater showing of Lyle Lovett? Really? I'm sorry, but if you find it's so imperative to "SHHHHHH!" someone at a huge outdoor concert who is already standing on the cheap hill seat area near the recycling trash cans, then you are too socially stunted to be outside of your moldy basement. We were willing to accommodate you by moving several times AND lowering our voice... but how far must we be ostracized from the park before you are satisfied? Shall we completely remove ourselves from the park entirely? Would THAT make you freaking happy jackass?
By chance were you a hall monitor as a kid?
Did you find pleasure in tattling on the not-even-that-bad kids?
Do you work for the IRS?
Have you gone "postal" before?
Do you correct others mid-sentence with their grammatical errors?
Have you created your own penal code?
Are you retired?
Lighten up, SERIOUSLY. You need a seriously strong cocktail to kill the bug living up your hole. Last time I checked, I wasn't attending a poetry slam at a coffee house, nor was I at a classical performance at a major upscale concert hall. If memory serves, the outdoor amphitheater folk/ rock concert I was attending has never been so quiet that you could hear crickets chirping and no human sound within a ten mile radius. WTF?!?!?!? I swear it was so quiet at one point that I could hear an ant fart ten miles away. If that small amount of human buzz and interaction bothers you, then you should strongly consider removing yourself from society. Becoming a hermit would suit you, and you could order all your accoutrement, groceries and household items online. You really could get rid of all that silly crap like bothersome human dialogue or general interaction, and concentrate on how superior you are to everyone else. Get off your high horse, stupid jackass.
Out of curiousity, what is your opinion everyone?
A) I strenuously agree, concert "SHHHHHH!"-ers can suck it.
B) You're a self important @** - I disagree, and here's why...
Showing posts with label hermits. Show all posts
Showing posts with label hermits. Show all posts
Foot in Mouth Disease
Foot in Mouth disease is a really despicable thing. Unfortunately, I seem to suffer from a horrid case of it and have no understanding how to rid myself of this terrible predicament. This is not, however, to be confused with "Hand, Foot and Mouth Disease". The latter causes fever and blister-like eruptions in the mouth and/or a skin rash. In my opinion, Foot in Mouth disease is a far worse ailment.
Over the years the level of my infection with this disease has gotten significantly worse. I attribute this only to the fact that I am older now, and thereby more aware of myself and my interactions with others. That, or it's just that the people around me are less tolerant of my stupidity and are more open to telling me how much I sound like an utter moron. I try, I really do try to think in advance of what I am saying before it comes out of my mouth... but it doesn't always end up where I was hoping for. Ultimately my statements are followed by looks of disgust, shock, rolling of the eyes, or worse - the backwards head jerk with a fluttering blink. Ooh... that's the worst response. That one literally hurts.
An episode of "Foot in Mouth Disease" typically begins with me saying something I think is fairly harmless. I'll divulge something about myself in a self-deprecating way, thinking it's quite funny. It's only when the last word is still hanging in a bubble outside of my mouth, that I realize I just said something also relevant to the person I'm conversing with. Only I thought I was insulting myself, and I just inadvertently insulted them too. Here comes that *pit-in-stomach* feeling now. Great. Now, this is where it gets worse... the condition takes on a life of it's own, escalating drastically and the worst symptom of all takes hold: uncontrollable verbal diarrhea. Adding insult to injury, I then follow the verbal diarrhea episode with nonsensical babbling further digging myself into the already appalling mess I have created. The unlucky soul to have crossed my path is now left burdened and broken in the wake of my verbal assault. Now maybe you will see just how horrible this disease really is, and the endless levels of my affliction.
If you think you might also suffer from Foot in Mouth Disease, here's a list of the common symptoms:
1) Despite thinking you are hysterically funny, your statements are often met with looks of shock, horror and flinches of disgust.
2) You find yourself *wanting* more and more "alone" time, since the idea of no one wanting to be friends with you based on your personalty is a harsher realization.
3) You are actually a hermit.
4) You have your own radio station broadcasting from a cabin in the woods.
5) You used to live in a normal town as a member of a civilized society, until they ostracized you and stoned you to death (for no apparent reason).
6) Your family refers to you as "the one that just isn't right", and at gatherings they place you in the corner with the fish tank and the shitzu dog with its period.
7) You have uncontrollable urges to "shake things up" in conversation, and this urge often leads you to sound like an incoherent homeless person off medication.
8) Animals have a strange affinity for you, and in contrast random people run away from your mere presence.
9) You suffer from spastic verbal diarrhea, followed by uneventful nonsensical babbling.
10) You have an actual foot growing out of your mouth.
If you have more than 3 of the symptoms above, you might have Foot in Mouth Disease.
If you especially have the symptoms listed in lines 3, 4, 5 and 10, you're in the advanced stages of this disease and your condition is sadly untreatable. You might want to consider contracting Ebola, or playing with fire.
Over the years the level of my infection with this disease has gotten significantly worse. I attribute this only to the fact that I am older now, and thereby more aware of myself and my interactions with others. That, or it's just that the people around me are less tolerant of my stupidity and are more open to telling me how much I sound like an utter moron. I try, I really do try to think in advance of what I am saying before it comes out of my mouth... but it doesn't always end up where I was hoping for. Ultimately my statements are followed by looks of disgust, shock, rolling of the eyes, or worse - the backwards head jerk with a fluttering blink. Ooh... that's the worst response. That one literally hurts.
An episode of "Foot in Mouth Disease" typically begins with me saying something I think is fairly harmless. I'll divulge something about myself in a self-deprecating way, thinking it's quite funny. It's only when the last word is still hanging in a bubble outside of my mouth, that I realize I just said something also relevant to the person I'm conversing with. Only I thought I was insulting myself, and I just inadvertently insulted them too. Here comes that *pit-in-stomach* feeling now. Great. Now, this is where it gets worse... the condition takes on a life of it's own, escalating drastically and the worst symptom of all takes hold: uncontrollable verbal diarrhea. Adding insult to injury, I then follow the verbal diarrhea episode with nonsensical babbling further digging myself into the already appalling mess I have created. The unlucky soul to have crossed my path is now left burdened and broken in the wake of my verbal assault. Now maybe you will see just how horrible this disease really is, and the endless levels of my affliction.
If you think you might also suffer from Foot in Mouth Disease, here's a list of the common symptoms:
1) Despite thinking you are hysterically funny, your statements are often met with looks of shock, horror and flinches of disgust.
2) You find yourself *wanting* more and more "alone" time, since the idea of no one wanting to be friends with you based on your personalty is a harsher realization.
3) You are actually a hermit.
4) You have your own radio station broadcasting from a cabin in the woods.
5) You used to live in a normal town as a member of a civilized society, until they ostracized you and stoned you to death (for no apparent reason).
6) Your family refers to you as "the one that just isn't right", and at gatherings they place you in the corner with the fish tank and the shitzu dog with its period.
7) You have uncontrollable urges to "shake things up" in conversation, and this urge often leads you to sound like an incoherent homeless person off medication.
8) Animals have a strange affinity for you, and in contrast random people run away from your mere presence.
9) You suffer from spastic verbal diarrhea, followed by uneventful nonsensical babbling.
10) You have an actual foot growing out of your mouth.
If you have more than 3 of the symptoms above, you might have Foot in Mouth Disease.
If you especially have the symptoms listed in lines 3, 4, 5 and 10, you're in the advanced stages of this disease and your condition is sadly untreatable. You might want to consider contracting Ebola, or playing with fire.
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