I'm tired because your insane

Yesterday I missed a post in my month of June self imposed blogathon. I decided I could blame it on the Mayan calendar ending this year, premonitions of the end of the world being overwhelming and all that... faking how its emotionally affecting me. Basically taking a day to serve as my moment of peace. Whatever. It's all bull anyway, I was really just consumed with summer, kids, mommy camp and all the other crap I deal with on any given day. Here's my post for today, it's kind of, "Meh?", but it entertained me to a level of snorting under my breath so I thought I would share it. Enjoy!

These are things I don't feel like doing anymore today for my kids:

- Telling you to stop yelling, shoving, licking, pushing, hair pulling and tantrumming for the 7,856,932th time.

- Asking you to use your "nice voice" for the hundredth time this last half hour.

- Advising that NO, in fact you do NOT deserve to watch Scooby Doo after falling into a pile of hysterical screaming tears... at Home Depot... when I was trying to ask a complex plumbing question to the nice man who was forced to endure your monstrous behavior.

- Shutting you down for yet ANOTHER glass of water... At like nine pm. Are you a frigging camel?

- Explaining that I can NOT read you a seventy five page historical novel that you RANDOMLY picked when it's already fifteen minutes past your bedtime.

- No you may not horf your corn back up and spit it into the carpet, because you "don't like it".

- State that, NO!, I'm not going to explain, AGAIN, that it's time for bed and there is no more talking. You can ask me to explain what chlorophyll is and what it's scientific compound is tomorrow. And that's when I'll tell you to ask me later because I've not had nearly enough coffee yet.

YAWN. Crap.

Fibro-MY-al-WHAT?

FIBROMYALGIA: When a bullet in the head feels better than water on your skin.

On any given day you will find me walking around with an attitude like everything is a pain in my a**, and just about anything gets on my nerves... constantly.  What I didn't realize is that I actually have a condition that is CAUSING this, and its not just an attitude adjustment problem.  Much to the dismay of my husband, I'm sure.

Side note: to all you PITA's out there,  I feel you... and join you whole heartedly in sticking your tongue out to the others who have so insensitively labeled us as malcontents, annoying POS's and just plain over sensitive.

What is Fibromyalgia, you ask?  Its a complex overactive and hypersensitive nerve disorder that causes intense nerve and muscle pain in addition to a host of other awesomely fun poo.  In the most laymen terms I will attempt to explain it to you in my "Abbie Nourmel" way...

It's a stabbing your whole body with nerve knives from hell, achy muscle, GI leaking, stomach bloating, tired as effing sh**, might be walking with crutches soon, can't stand longer than five minutes, feeling like you have mononucleosis, brain fog-wait are you still talking, cognitive skill lessening to the point you sound like a bumbling idiot, concentration negating - what did you say again?, ripping away others hands because light touch feels like razor blades on skin, sensory overload, opening your eyes lets in so much light it makes you feel like you're a vampire, you can hear ants fart and smell them too from a mile away, doubling over abdominal pain, finger and toe numbing/ tingling, restless leg feeling, migraine creating, anxiety inducing and feeling like you're a cast out zombie in your own private 8th circle of hell disease.

It's AWESOME.  Did I mention it's incurable?  I'm totally pumped.  Just having one incurable disease (Asthma) DEFINITELY wasn't enough to deal with.  I totally wanted another one... because my endometriosis and PCOS are just too grumpy to be good playmates.  You know, in case Fibromyalgia gets lonely, it will have someone to play with.  Good times.