New Webster's dictionary words (part deux)

"Out of the mouths of babes." - Psalms 8:2

In its traditional meaning, the above quote refers to children saying statements which are prematurely insightful or wise.  For today's post, I'll be using a less than traditional interpretation of the phrase.  Especially since these are words my toddler has regurgitated and I'm finding a way to twist that into something crass, dark and witty.  I'm such an excellent mother.  Anyway, these two little gems popped out of my toddler's mouth the other day.  I was lucky enough to have my phone's notepad ready to record these little verbal diamonds.  Since many words have multiple meanings, I have also provided multiple inappropriate definitions for your amusement. 
I think it's pretty obvious where I am going with this, so don't act all surprised and shocked.

TRAMPION 
/Tram-pee-uhn/  (noun)
1) A person (non-gender specific) who takes sleeping around to a sport like level; competitions are optional. 
2) An avid trampoline jumper who has advanced their levitating skills to a "champion" like ability.

HO-CANO
/Ho-kay-noh/  (noun)
1) A fierce explosion of promiscuity that hits you when you approach a brothel, seedy bar, or randomly at the ice machine of a Super 8 motel. 
2) A dizzy, spinning, inspirationally explosive sensation that overcomes you whilst perusing around your favorite DIY store garden tools section (similar to experiencing a volcanic eruption and a tornado at the same time).  This sensation is usually followed by an intense need to purchase the entire row of garden tools, starting, of course, with the hoe.
3) The overwhelming, uncontrollable onset of explosive gardening tool mouth diarrhea.  Most often, this affliction attacks the overknowledgable employee in the gardening section, with whom you randomly run smack into with your mouth dropped wide open in an "I don't know what I'm looking for?" look on your face.

I should start my own Abbie Nourmel dictionary. 
All the people would buy it. 
I'm not narcissistic, but thanks for putting that thought out there. 
I think I'm onto something here...  :D

Kindergarten mouthiness

It finally happened.  I hit a writing block.  I've had severe insomnia for the last three nights and have not slept more than four hours each night.  This may have contributed to the bout of nothingness clanking around in my empty brain right now, but it's probably more likely that I'm just hitting a wall.  

Insert problem: What do I write about today?  

So, in my ever creative spinning mind, I asked my eldest daughter what the kids say in her class.  This was not an easy task, since she doesn't talk much about school (or anything at all really) other than telling me how fantastically awful it is to endure this horrible place she's subjected to go to everyday.  Using some neat extraction methods I have picked up along the parenting path, I finally tapped the information well within her and some gems started pouring out.  Quick, get the buckets!  :D

1. "For real!" 
This is apparently said ALL. THE. TIME.  Like, totally, for sure dude.

2. "Then I'll cross you off my birthday list."
This is only stated by future narcissists and dictators.

3. "You 're not playing with us."
This kid is voted most likely to join a gang and pillage neighborhoods with their posse.

4. "You're allergic to everything, you can't eat anything!"
It's highly improbable this kid will be a social worker or habitat for humanity volunteer, but possibly the CEO and founder of "Insensitive Jerks, Inc."

5. "Aww, do we have to do this all over again?"
Signs of a future procrastinator and poor work ethic.

6. "I'm bigger than you, for REAL."
Thanks, captain of the obvious.  And I'm bigger than you, and she's bigger than me and he's bigger than her...

7. "Ew... you're married!"
Marriage?  In Kindergarten?  What's next? Honey mead and dowries?

8. "So and so and I are married because we kissed each other."
WHOA!  Now, hold on there!  If this is true, I'm in SERIOUS horse dung.  Starting from age ten and counting... I better lawyer up.

9. "Hey!?!  You cutted!"
Hey!  You need to pay more attention to the learning portion of class!

10. "I'm inviting the whole entire class to my birthday, but not you.  AND it's going to be a swimming class AND it's going to have lots of Star Wars and Ninjago's."
How generously awful of this child, to smear fun in someone's face only to rip it away.   If this person were an adult, they would be kicked in the cojones and stoned.